Bishonen Newsies
by Keitorin Asthore
Summary: This time the badly mangled art is the film Newsies; this time the manglers are the stars of Shonen Jump. One of my personal favorites out of all of my parodies. If you review one story today, review this one! It's funny even if you're not a Newsies fan
1. Introduction Hiei Sings?

PROLOGUE  
  
HI! I'm Keiti Caraway, and I'm here to direct a very *special* film, Bishonen Newsies!! This movie specifically stars the folks from the various Shonen Jump manga. Notice the absence of Sandland. I HATE Sandland!! Anyway, this is a little behind-the scenes clip. The Actors would like to give you their opinion on the show.  
  
Yusuke: I'm Yurimeshi Yusuke, and I play the LEAD role, Jack Kelly. Of course, I have to sing, so that was.edited. But I do all my own dancing.  
  
Sakura: I'm Yurimeshi's voice double. I sing for him. Yippee skippee. I still don't know how I, the incomparable Haruna Sakura, got stuck as a guy's singing voice.  
  
Hiei: My name is Jaganshi Hiei, and I still have no idea how I got stuck doing this. Thank Reikai I only have one singing line.  
  
We're all quite grateful for that, Hiei.  
  
Kurama: I'm Youko Kurama, and I play David Jacobs, the adorable and likeable best friend of the lead character.  
  
*The girls swoon.*  
  
Okay. Who wants to talk about the plot?  
  
Kurama: Since I am articulate as well as adorable, I shall. The story is about a group of Shonen Jump Newsies.  
  
Yusuke: Meaning they sell copies of Shonen Jump on street corners.  
  
Kurama: And the evil manager, played to the hilt by Makoto Shishio, decides to not only up the price, but also make it exclusively Sandland.  
  
*Cast shudders.*  
  
Yusuke: And so the brave newsboys rally together to put the evil Shishio in his place.  
  
Good job, guys! I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow to do the first few scenes.  
  
Hiei: Hm. Don't count on me showing up.  
  
Oh, buck up, Hiei. You'll be a chick magnet when this movie premieres!!!  
  
Hiei: That's what I'm afraid of.  
  
Kurama, Yusuke, and Sakura: .  
  
Eh, sure. Brush up on your Brooklyn accents, everybody! Get ready for production!!  
  
Author's note: Please review this one! It's one of my personal favorites, and I hope other people like it too. 


	2. Prologue and Carryin' The Banner

PROLOGUE/CARRYING THE BANNER  
  
Soujiro! Get out there! NOW!  
  
*Soujiro runs out, a big smile on his cute face. The screen shows a montage of different bishonen newsies.*  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: In 2003, the streets of Northern Kentucky echoed with the voices of bishonen peddling the manga of Nobihiro Watsuki, Yoshihiro Togashi, and other giants of the manga world. Adorable and mostly unattached, the newsies were a ragged army, without a leader- until one day, all that changed.  
  
*The camera zooms in on a statue of Kenny Ortega. Three cute little bishonen boys are asleep on the statue. The camera then zooms in on a sign that says:  
  
BISHONEN NEWSIES LODGING HOUSE.  
  
Okina Kloppman walks up the stairs of the lodging house and shakes his head. All of the bishonen newsies are fast asleep. Okina Kloppman walks up to Koenma Boots.*  
  
Okina Kloppman: KOENMA BOOTS!  
  
Koenma Boots: AUGH! You scared me! Ogre! George! Where are you? Come get this ancient human!  
  
George: I'm not in this movie, so I'm hogging the donut table. These are THE COOLEST donuts ever! They have frosting all over, but the sprinkles are only on one side! Wow!  
  
George, you're interrupting.  
  
George: Oops. Sorry.  
  
*Okina Kloppman slaps Kuwabara Skittery's giant foot, which is hanging over the side of his bunk bed.*  
  
Okina Kloppman: Kuwabara Skittery! Kuwabara Skittery!  
  
Kuwabara Skittery: What? I didn't do nothing!  
  
Okina Kloppman: That's just it! Get up! Get up, you have to get up!  
  
Kuwabara Skittery: All right, all right. Sheesh.  
  
Okina Kloppman: Snitch Manta! Come on, everybody's sleeping! You keep sleeping, you'll sleep your life away!  
  
*Snitch Manta, who has his thumb in his mouth, rolls over. We see that he has his foot in Itey Sasuke's mouth.*  
  
Itey Sasuke: Gross! Get away, or I'll beat you to death!  
  
Snitch Manta: *snore*  
  
*Behind Itey Sasuke and Snitch Manta, we see Mush Sano and Bumlets Yoh, both still asleep. Okina Kloppman walks over to Yusuke Jack, still sound asleep.*  
  
Okina Kloppman: Come on! What're you dreaming about? You dreaming about selling manga?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Mmpfagaraga.  
  
Okina Kloppman: C'mon!  
  
Yusuke Jack: Whatsa matter with you?  
  
Okina Kloppman: What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Get away from me! You're MAD!  
  
Misao: (from offstage) That's what I've been saying all these years.  
  
Okina Kloppman: Be quiet, or I'll tell everyone the cute little nickname I have for you!  
  
Misao: You wouldn't!  
  
Okina Kloppman: Oh, yes I would!  
  
Misao: NOOOO!  
  
Okina Kloppman: Princess Pooky.my pretty little Princess Pooky.  
  
Aoshi: .  
  
Misao: *taps Hiei on the shoulder* Hey, can I borrow your cane?  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
*Misao chases after Okina Kloppman, screaming "GAAUUUGH!" and bopping him on the head with Hiei's prop.*  
  
You'll need that back for your scenes, Hiei.  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
*The other Bishonen boys drag themselves out of their beds. Soujiro Racetrack puts on his suspenders and then runs around frantically, searching for something.*  
  
Insert the First Song  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: That's my katana!  
  
Snipeshooter Ren: You'll steal another.  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: Hey, buddies, we have work to do.  
  
Specs Naruto: Since when did you become my mother? (speaking) Do I even have a mother? Does anyone in this show have a mother?  
  
Kurama: I DO!  
  
Just sing the song, boys.  
  
Crutchy Yugi: Aw, stop your bawling!  
  
Everyone, including the director: Who asked you?  
  
Mush Sano: (speaking) How'd you sleep, Yusuke Jack?  
  
Yusuke Jack: (speaking) On my back, Mush Sano.  
  
Mush Sano: (speaking) Did you hear that, guys? I asked Yusuke Jack how he slept, and he said "on my back, Mush Sano"!!!  
  
*Yusuke Jack slugs Mush Sano, who thumps to the floor. Loudly.*  
  
Eh.Botan? First injury.  
  
Botan: I'm on my way!  
  
Okina Kloppman: Don't I count?  
  
Misao: No!  
  
BACK TO THE SONG!!  
  
Crutchy Yugi: (speaking) Hey, Yusuke Jack, when I walk, does it look like I'm faking it?  
  
Yusuke Jack: .  
  
Crutchy Yugi: I mean my limp. Does it look like I'm faking my limp?  
  
Yusuke Jack: .  
  
Psst! Yusuke! Your line!  
  
*Yusuke Jack pulls a script out of his pocket.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Nah-who-says-you're-fakin'-it?  
  
Crutchy Yugi: I dunno. There's just so many fake crips on the streets these days, a real crip ain't got a chance. I got to find me a new selling spot where they ain't used to seeing me.  
  
Yusuke Jack: .  
  
Just keep singing, boys.  
  
Mush Sano: Try Taylor Mill or the Levee.  
  
Racetrack Soujiro: Try CCS, it's guaranteed.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Try any banker, bum, or barber,  
  
Skittery Kuwabara: They almost all know how to read!  
  
Shizuru: At least they can..  
  
Skittery Kuwabara: Hey!  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: I smell money!  
  
Crutchy Yugi: You smell foul!  
  
Mush Sano: Met this girl last night-  
  
Megumi: Oh, really, Sanosuke?  
  
Mush Sano: Erk.  
  
Crutchy Yugi: Move your elbow!  
  
Racetrack Soujiro: Pass the towel!  
  
Skittery Kuwabara: For a buck I might.  
  
All Bishonen Newsies: Ain't it a fine life?  
  
Carrying the Shonen through it all  
  
A mighty fine life  
  
Carrying the Shonen tough and tall  
  
Every morning  
  
We goes where we wishes  
  
We's as free as fishes  
  
Sure beats washing dishes  
  
What a fine life  
  
Carrying the Shonen home free all!  
  
Yusuke Jack: It takes a smile as sweet as butter!  
  
*Keiko melts.*  
  
Crutchy Yugi: The kind that shojo can't resist.  
  
*Anzu rolls her eyes.*  
  
Racetrack Soujiro: It takes an orphan with a stutter  
  
Yusuke Jack: Who ain't afraid to use his-  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: SAKABATOU!!!  
  
Kenshin, honey, that's not your line.  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: But I *never* use my fists.  
  
Just sing the song.  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: *grumbles*  
  
All Bishonen Newsies: Summer stinks and winter's waiting  
  
Boy, ain't Cincy great?  
  
Summer sure is fascinating  
  
It's winters that we hate!  
  
Still, it's a fine life  
  
Carrying the Shonen with me chums  
  
A mighty fine life  
  
Blowing every nickel as it comes.  
  
Crutchy Yugi: I'm no snoozer  
  
Sitting makes me antsy  
  
I likes living chancy *does the pump*  
  
All Bishonen Newsies: Covington to Edgewood  
  
What a fine life  
  
*collective pelvic thrust*  
  
Carrying the Shonen through the slums!  
  
*A big wagon with the three nuns- Anna, Kaoru, and Shizuru- approaches.*  
  
Bumlets Yoh: Anna? Is that you, Anna?  
  
Snitch Manta: *snickers.*  
  
Sister Anna: Don't make me hurt you.  
  
Just go on with the song, pretty please?  
  
Sister Anna: Blessed children *blaugh.*  
  
Sister Kaoru: Though youuuuuuu wander loooooooost and deeeeepraaaaveeed.  
  
*Kid Blink Kenshin covers his ears.*  
  
Sister Kaoru: I saw that, Kenshin! *pulls out a frying pan from under her habit.*  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: Oro.  
  
Erk.  
  
Sister Shizuru: Jesus loves you (at least someone does)  
  
All three nuns: You shall be saved!  
  
*The nuns start handing out bread and water to the newsies. Sister Anna takes perverse delight in dangling pieces of bread over Bumlets Yoh's head and watching him jump to get it.*  
  
That's not a very nun-like thing to do.  
  
*Zero-Zero-Three starts wandering through the crowd, looking worried.*  
  
Zero-Zero-Three: Joseph.  
  
Racetrack Soujiro: Just give me half a cup.  
  
Zero-Zero-Three: .darling.  
  
Kid Blink Kenshin: Something to wake me up.  
  
Zero-Zero-Three: .since you left me, I am undone.  
  
Mush Sano: I gotta find an angle.  
  
Zero-Zero-Three: .mother.  
  
Bishonen Newsies: Sure hope the manga's hot  
  
Zero-Zero-Three: .loves you.  
  
Bishonen Newsies: God help me if it's not.  
  
Zero-Zero-Three: .God save my son!  
  
Kurama: *sniff* That is so sweet.  
  
Kurama! You're not on the set yet!  
  
Kurama: Oh, yeah.  
  
Bishonen Newsies: If I hate the story, I'll make up a story  
  
And I'll say anything I haveta  
  
'Cause at one for a fiver  
  
If I take a fiver-  
  
Hiei: Director Keiti, that makes no sense.  
  
Bear with me here. This is a difficult adaptation.  
  
Bishonen Newsies: Weasel just makes me eat 'em after  
  
Look! They're putting out the headline  
  
You call that a headline?  
  
I get better headlines from the copper on the street  
  
I was gonna start with twenty  
  
Now a dozen'll be plenty  
  
How's a guy gonna make ends meet?  
  
We need a good assassination  
  
*collective pelvic thrust*  
  
We need an earthquake or a war  
  
Snipeshooter Ren: How 'bout a game with giant monsters?  
  
Bishonen Newsies: Hey, baka, that ain't news no more!  
  
Uptown to the Shell gas station  
  
Kurama: .  
  
Bishonen Newsies: Down to City Hall  
  
We improves our circulation  
  
Walkin' till we fall!  
  
You call that a headline?  
  
The idiot who wrote it must be working for DC  
  
Did you hear about the battle?  
  
Heard they sacked old Genkai senseless-  
  
Genkai: Shut up, you bishonen brats! I'll get you in the next scene.  
  
Bishonen Newsies: Heard the toll was even higher  
  
Why do I miss all the fun?  
  
Hitched it on a trolley  
  
Meet you Forty-fourth and Second  
  
Don Pablos is a secret  
  
Cincy's further than I reckoned  
  
From the courthouse to the stables  
  
From the corner someone beckoned  
  
It's a-  
  
*The Togoro Brothers, Oscar and Morris, enter.*  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: Dear me! What is that unpleasant aroma? I fear the sewer may have backed up during the night. *giggles.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Well, Hiei's not on the set yet.  
  
Hiei: *glower*  
  
Koenma Boots: It's too rotten to be the sewer.  
  
Crutchy Yugi: Yeah, it must be the Togoro brothers!  
  
Robby Trunks: *giggles*  
  
*Oscar Togoro flings Snipeshooter Ren to the ground.*  
  
Oscar Togoro: In the back, you lousy little shrimp.  
  
*Tao Jun races on set.*  
  
Tao Jun: OH MY GOSH!!! YOU HURT MY POOR LITTLE BROTHER!!!! YOU WILL PAY!!!!!  
  
*smacks Togoro across the head.*  
  
Oscar Togoro: Ow. . .  
  
Tao Jun: Oh, Lian, are you okay, baby? *kiss*  
  
Snipeshooter Ren: Jun, you are embarrassing me beyond all belief.  
  
Bumlets Yoh: WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA! *rolls on the ground laughing hysterically.*  
  
Okay, let's just pick it up at Soujiro's line.  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: You shouldn't do that. It's not healthy. *giggles.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: You shouldn't be calling people lousy little shrimps, Oscar, unless you're referring to the family resemblance with your brother here.  
  
Kuwabara Skittery: IN YOUR FACE, YOU KOORIME-STEALING LOSER!  
  
Oscar Togoro: .  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: Hey, five to one that Detective Boy smokes 'em! Eh? Who's betting?  
  
Bishonen Newsies: Nah, bum odds!  
  
Togoro Brothers: .  
  
Yusuke Jack: That's right. That's an insult. So's this!  
  
*Yusuke Jack grabs Oscar Togoro's sunglasses and snaps them.*  
  
Oscar Togoro: WAUGH! *transforms into Hulk Toguro and chases Yusuke Jack. Yusuke Jack runs straight into David Kurama, who is dragging his grumpy little brother Yahiko Les by the hand.*  
  
David Kurama: What do you think you're doing?  
  
Yusuke Jack: *grumbles* Running! *grumbles some more.* This is so not me, Director Keiti.  
  
Live with it, babe.  
  
*Yusuke Jack runs around wildly some more, and vanquishes the evil Toguro brothers.*  
  
Bishonen Newsies: It's a fine life  
  
Carryin' the Shonen through it all  
  
It's a fine life  
  
Carryin' the Shonen tough and tall  
  
See the headline  
  
Newsies on a mission  
  
Kill the competition  
  
Sell the next edition  
  
What a fine life  
  
Carrying the banner  
  
Go get 'em now, boy  
  
Carrying the banner  
  
You got 'em now, boy  
  
Carrying the banner  
  
Go get 'em cowboy  
  
Carrying the banner  
  
It's a-  
  
GO!  
  
*TARK Vegeta comes out, staggering under the weight of a huge stack of manga.*  
  
TARK Vegeta: This is for the newsies!  
  
Yay! We made it through the first song! Good job, boys!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own newsies or bishonen but I do own Bishonen Newsies. Does that make sense? It's ten o'clock at night as I write this. . . And I spent too much quality time with my permanent marker today. . . 


	3. Headlines

PART TWO- HEADLINES  
  
*Yusuke Jack swings on the gate as it opens up for the newsies.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Whee!  
  
Racetrack Soujiro: I love ya! That was better'n yesterday! *giggles*  
  
Yusuke Jack: You're too kind.  
  
Oscar Togoro: We'll get ya tomorrow, Detective Boy.  
  
*Yusuke Jack rings a little bell and leans against the grate.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Mistah WEEEEEAAAAAseeeeeeel!  
  
Ominous Voice: I'm coming.  
  
*The Bishonen Newsies gulp in fear. The shutters open, but no one appears.*  
  
Ominous Voice: Eh.wasn't the prop boy supposed to get me a stool to stand on?  
  
*Goku the prop boy dashes in and sets a stool down.*  
  
Ominous voice: Thanks, idiot.  
  
*The speaker is revealed to be.Genkai.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Tee hee hee.Genkai!!!!  
  
Mush Sano: Hey, wouldn't Misao make a better Weasel?  
  
Misao: *Biiiiida face.*  
  
Just go on with the scene.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Hey, Weasel.  
  
Genkai the Weasel: Told you a million times, numbskull. The name is Wiesel. Mister- Mrs. Miss Wiesel to you. How many?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Don't rush me. I'm perusing the merchandise, Miss Weasel.  
  
*Snicker, snicker, laugh, laugh.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Hunnert papes.  
  
Genkai the Weasel: Hundred papes for the wise guy.  
  
*Yusuke Jack takes his papers and sits down. Soujiro Racetrack steps up.*  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: Good Morning!!!! Listen, I seem to be short on cash, so could you lend me some money, pretty please? *leans in* I got a hot tip on the upcoming duel. It won't waste your money. *giggles.*  
  
Genkai the Weasel: Sure thing?  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: Oh, yes. Very sure thing. Not like last time.  
  
Genkai the Weasel: Yeah? Well then, a hundred papes.  
  
*Soujiro Racetrack sits down next to Yusuke Jack and opens a paper.*  
  
Soujiro Racetrack: Hey, there was an infant born with two heads. *giggles* It must be from Funbari Hill.  
  
*David Kurama and Yahiko Les step up.*  
  
David Kurama: Twenty papers, please. *gorgeous grin*  
  
Genkai the Weasel: Can it.  
  
*David Kurama counts through his papers and frowns.*  
  
David Kurama: There must be some mistake, ma'am. I paid for twenty, but I only got nineteen.  
  
Genkai the Weasel: You gotta problem with that, pretty boy?  
  
*Yusuke Jack, seeing that David Kurama is in over his head, jumps up and rifles through the stack of papers.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: It's only nineteen, Weasel. Nineteen. But don't worry about it. It's an honest mistake. I mean, Morris here can only count to twenty with his shoes on.  
  
Morris Togoro: *iflookscouldkill.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Tell ya what. Another fiddy for my friend here.  
  
David Kurama: You do mean fifty, don't you?  
  
Genkai the Weasel: Here ya go. Fifty papes. Now beat it.  
  
*Yusuke Jack lopes off. David Kurama follows, Yahiko Les still trailing behind him.*  
  
David Kurama: I don't want your papers. I don't take charity from anyone, I don't know you, I don't care to, so here are your papes.  
  
*David Kurama pokes Yahiko Les. Yahiko Les glowers. David Kurama reaches for the rose in his hair.*  
  
Yahiko Les: Detective Boy. They called him Detective Boy.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Yeah, that and a whole lot of other things, including Yusuke Jack, which is what my mother calls me. And what do they call you, kid?  
  
Yahiko Les: I'M NOT A KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they call me Yahiko Les. And this is my brother David Kurama. He's older. BUT ONLY BY FIVE YEARS!!!!!!!  
  
Yusuke Jack: *counting on his fingers* Eh, so how old are you, kid?  
  
Yahiko Les: I'M NOT A LITTLE KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I'm near eleven.  
  
David Kurama: He's ten.  
  
Yahiko Les: *glowerglareglower*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Eh, that's no good. Pretend to be seven. Younger sells more papes. That's why Koenma Boots here somehow gets the Employee of the Month badge every stinkin' time.  
  
Koenma Boots: *beaming*  
  
Yusuke Jack: But anyway, if we're gonna be partners, we've gotta be the best-  
  
David Kurama: PARTNERS?!?!?!?!  
  
Yusuke Jack: Well, you owe me for all them papes, right?  
  
David Kurama: *nods*  
  
Yusuke: We can sell and split seventy-thirty, and you get the privilege and honor of working with ME for nothing.  
  
David Kurama: *funny little snorting laugh.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: *mimics funny little snorting laugh.*  
  
David Kurama: *looks perturbed.*  
  
Crutchy Yugi: You're getting the chance of a lifetime here, Davey. Ya learn from Yusuke Jack, you learn from the best.  
  
Bumlets Yoh: THE BEST! *huge smile.* I SAID MY LINE!!! I SAID MY LINE!!!!  
  
Anna: *pats his head.* That's my cute little bishie!!! *kiss kiss*  
  
Snitch Manta: That is so pathetic.  
  
David Kurama: If he's so good, how come he needs me? Is it just my charm and good looks?  
  
Bishie Newsies: *collective ooh*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Listen, I don't need you, pal. But with this kid's puss, and my God-given talent, we could be moving a thousand papes a week. So whaddaya say, Yahiko Les-kun? Ya wanna sell papes with me?  
  
Yahiko Les: YAY FOR -KUN!!!! YES!!!  
  
David Kurama: Hold it. It must be at least fifty-fifty.  
  
Yusuke Jack: *pauses.* Sixty-forty, I forget the whole thing.  
  
*David Kurama looks a tad reluctant, but holds out his hand to shake. Yusuke Jack hocks a loogie in his hand and tries to shake, but David Kurama pulls back.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: 'Smattah?  
  
David Kurama: *twitches* That's DISGUSTING!!! Kaa'san would never allow it.  
  
Specs Naruto: I wish I had a mother. Cry, cry.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Name of the game is volume, Davey. You only took twenty papes. Why?  
  
David Kurama: Bad headline. What is with these people and Sandland?!?!  
  
Yusuke Jack: That's the first thing you gotta learn. Manga doesn't sell papes, hot bishie newsies sell papes. Without newsies, nobody knows nothing.  
  
*Yukina walks by, singing happily to herself.*  
  
Mush Sano: Woo!!! I'm in heaven!!!  
  
Kuwabara Skittery: *droolydrooly.*  
  
Hiei: GAAAAUUGGGHH!!!!!!!  
  
*Hiei takes his cane back from Misao and beats Sano and Kuwa-kun.*  
  
Yukina: *blushes.* Hiei-san, thank you for saving me.  
  
Hiei: Well, I had to. I mean, after all, I am your-  
  
OKAY!!!!!!!!! COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raven's Herbal Teas!!! Guaranteed to make even the most hyperactive person depressed and meditative!!!  
  
*Starfire takes a big swig.*  
  
Starfire: I hate life. Life hates me. I have no friends. *shakes fist at the sun.* STOP MOCKING ME!!!  
  
Raven: Take it from me. It will change your whole outlook on life.  
  
RAVEN'S HERBAL TEAS!!! Now in blackberry, blueberry, and kumquat flavors. 


	4. Lord Pulitzer

PART THREE- HEADLINES We now move to the interior of a giant office. Shishio Pulitzer is sitting at his massive desk, reading a manga volume.  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: Gosh push valance otter for tin hair. What the heck does that mean?!?!  
  
Yumi Seitz: It means your reading glasses are too weak. *hands him a magnifying glass.* Try this, Lord Pulitzer.  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: Aha! "Goku pulls victory out of thin air". And this so called storyline drags on for infinity.  
  
Hojithan: News is slow, Lord Pulitzer.  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: That's all Mr. Haku has to work with too, but look how he covers the story!! *holds up manga book reading "Goku and Vegeta: Bitter Enemies or Best of Friends?".*  
  
Hojithan: We'll get a new headline writer, Lord Pulitzer!  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: Go steal Haku's man.  
  
Yumi Seitz: He already stole him from us. It's not the headline, Lord Pulitzer. It's because you spend as much as you make trying to beat Haku.  
  
Hojithan: HOW DARE YOU INSULT LORD PULITZER!!!!!!!  
  
Yumi Seitz: Down, boy.  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: We need more profit. What's our most popular manga title?  
  
Yumi Seitz: According to our author, Shaman King and Naruto. But I think she's a little bit biased.  
  
Shishio: Personally, I've always enjoyed Sandland. Something about a little demon named after Satan.it just gets me, right here.  
  
Yumi Seitz: Yes, but what about your profit?  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: You penny-pinch when you're in a war, Yumi Seitz. This is not a war. But like a war, only the strongest manga survives. If you're strong, you live; if you're weak, you die. Now, when I created the World.*stops as loud shouts drown him out.* What is that defeaning noise?  
  
Hojithan: It's the newsies, Lord Pulitzer. I'll go have them quieted.  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: Never mind, Hojithan. Where was I?  
  
Yumi Seitz: Creating the World.  
  
Shishio Pulitzer: There's a lot of money out there in those streets, my faithful lackeys. And I want to know how I can get more of it.*turns ominously*.by tonight. 


	5. Nami, Zoro and Luffy

PART FOUR- TEACHING THE WAY OF THE NEWSIE  
  
*Yusuke Jack, Yahiko Les, and David Kurama are pushing their way through the crowd gathered to watch a ninjutsu match, where Kakashi and Zabuza are fighting.*  
  
David Kurama: Extra, extra, Goku wins again!  
  
Yusuke Jack: Extra, extra!! Anna kisses Yoh!!  
  
Anna and Bumlets Yoh: WHAT?!?!  
  
David Kurama: Oh, you kids are so cute!! *glomp* What page is that on?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Um...one of those three digit thingies. *hands manga volume to a rabid AnnaxYoh supporter* Thank ya, miss  
  
David Kurama: *flips pages* What? They're just sitting next to each other.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Mm-hm. And thank you, miss.  
  
David Kurama: What? I'm not a miss!  
  
Yusuke Jack: Nah, I was talking to the customers.  
  
David Kurama: This is a lie. They're not kissing.  
  
Anna and Bumlets Yoh: *whew*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Yeah, well, it sells more books.  
  
Yahiko Les: Hey, Yusuke Jack, what can I do?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Didja practice that little cough?  
  
Yahiko Les: *cough cough* Buy me last book, lady? *sparkle eyes* *cough cough*  
  
Yusuke Jack: Perfect. Go get 'em.  
  
*Yahiko Les scampers away.*  
  
David Kurama: My father taught us not to lie.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Yeah, well, my mother taught me not to starve, so we both got an education. And anyway, it's not lying. I'm just...improving the truth a little.  
  
*Yusuke Jack sits down to watch the ninjutsu match, enjoying it immensely. David Kurama looks guilty, but sits anyway. Yahiko Les runs up.*  
  
Yahiko Les: Hey, look, I made a quarter!! Quick, gimme some more of those books!  
  
David Kurama: HOLD IT!! *sniffs Yahiko Les* You smell like sake.  
  
Yahiko Les: That's how I made the quarter. The guy bet me I wouldn't drink some.  
  
David Kurama: *notices a scary looking man watching them* Hey, is he a friend of yours?  
  
Yusuke Jack: *looking up* Erm, nope. RUN!  
  
*The three of them run away, with Fauster chasing after them.*  
  
FAUSTER: IIIII'LLLLLLL GEEEEET YOOOOOUUUU SOOOOOMEDAAAAAY, ROOOOOBIIIIIIIN!!! JUST WAIT TIL I HAVE YOU BACK AT THE REEEEEEEEFUUUUUUUUUUGE!!!  
  
*The three boys duck into a theater as Warden Fauster runs past, still screaming.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: We'll just hide out in here...  
  
David Kurama: Who was that? What's the Refuge?  
  
Yusuke: The Refuge is jail for kids.  
  
Yahiko Les: You were in jail? Hey, half the people I know have been in jail at some point...*cough* Anyway...why?  
  
Yusuke Jack: I was starving, so I stole some food.  
  
David Kurama: Food?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Food. The stuff you eat.  
  
David Kurama: He called you Robin.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Yeah, well, my name's Yusuke Jack.  
  
David Kurama: How should I believe that?  
  
Yusuke Jack: You don't believe that?  
  
David Kurama: Well, you do have a way of improving the truth a little.  
  
*Staring contest*  
  
*Suddenly a person in pink appears.*  
  
Pink Person: What is this?! Get out! All of you!  
  
Yusuke Jack: *roguish grin* You wouldn't kick me out without a kiss g'bye, wouldja, Namma?  
  
Namma: Yusuke-kun! Where've ya been, kid? Oh, I miss seeing you up in the balcony.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Hanging on your every word.  
  
Namma: *giggles*  
  
Yusuke Jack: David Kurama, this is Namma, the Japanese Nightingale.  
  
David Kurama: *hearts in eyes*  
  
Namma: And who is this? Aren't you just the cutest little itty bitty thing?!  
  
David Kurama: *preens*  
  
Namma: Not you. The little one.  
  
Yahiko Les: For once, I don't object to being called little. *coughs*  
  
Namma: What's wrong? Are you all right?  
  
Yahiko Les: *coughs* Buy me last manga volume, lady?  
  
Namma: *looks concerned, then starts laughing* Ooh, this kid is GOOD, Yusuke-kun! He might even give you a run for your money. *snaps pink feather fan* Now, you both must stay for the show! Zory, give them candy.  
  
Zory: *comes out with a big box of candy* Hi. I'm Namma's candy boy.  
  
Yahiko Les: What's the thing you have in your mouth? It looks yummy.  
  
Zory: What? This isn't candy! This is one of my three katanas!  
  
Yahiko Les: Whatever.  
  
Zory: Well, you can have licorice, or gum drops, or- hey, there are BITE MARKS in EVERY PIECE! LUFFY!! MONKEY D. LUFFY?!?  
  
Luffy: I says to myself, just one piece...one piece...  
  
Zory: *shrugs*  
  
Namma: *singing and...erm...shimmying.*  
  
My lovey dovey baby  
  
I coochie coo for you  
  
I used to be your tootsie-wootsie  
  
Then you said toodelee-doo  
  
I miss the hanky-panky  
  
It's nighty-night...tootlie  
  
Come back my lovey dovey baby  
  
And coochie coochie with me.  
  
Zory and Luffy: *droolydrooly*  
  
David Kurama: Well, I'm sure THAT song is going to sweep the Oscars...  
  
Yusuke Jack: Actually, I do believe that song won an award for the Worst Song of the Year.  
  
David Kurama: I believe it.  
  
Yahiko Les: *munchmunchmunch* I'm Matter Muncher Lad!!  
  
Author's Note: FOP moment!! *starts singing the Abracatastrophe theme* Bippy is an average chimp, who no one understands... Akiyama Sagara, you are the only person to review this story. **bows down** ALL HAIL AKIYAMA SAGARA!!!! Oh, and Warden Fauster is Faust VIII. **shrugs** 


	6. Hm, short

PART FIVE- VERY SHORT...  
  
*David Kurama, Yusuke Jack, and Yahiko Les exit the theater, and surprisingly, it is nighttime. How long were they in that theater anyway?!*  
  
Yusuke Jack: So, did you like that?  
  
David Kurama: Oh, yes. It was great. She is really pretty. How do you know her?  
  
Yusuke Jack: Oh, she was a friend of my mother's. She's out in Tokyo, you know.  
  
*Yusuke Jack pulls out a Tokyopop manga novel.*  
  
Yusuke Jack: See, just like that Tokyo. My parents are going to get a really nice penthouse, and when they're ready, they're going to send for me.  
  
David Kurama: Oh, dat ish sho shweet.  
  
*Suddenly a loud noise startles everyone.*  
  
Yahiko Les: WAUGH!!! I'M AWAKE!!!!  
  
David Kurama: It's Yoh Asakura, the Amazing Shaman Boy! He's fighting...wait, is that...no, it is! Toguro!! What a crossover!!  
  
Yusuke Jack: Ooh, we're gonna get a good headline tomorrow!!  
  
David Kurama: Yusuke Jack, would you like to come home with me and my brother? You can meet my folks.  
  
Yusuke Jack: Oh, I don't know...  
  
David Kurama: Free food.  
  
Yusuke Jack: I'm there!! 


End file.
